Flipping "Why" questions
Sun Jan 12 2025
I’ve been reading Chris Voss’s “Never Split the Difference”. It’s got some alpha but I suspect there’s more in KGB agent running manuals that is lost to language differences and cultural bias.
An interesting idea was trying to change ‘why’ questions to ‘how’ or ‘what’ questions. These types of open questions build empathy and understanding between parties. I find this quite hard because I instinctively ask ‘why’. To combat this I’ve formulated some how/what variations to some common “why’s”.
Why: “Why do you think that?”
What: “What led you think that?”
How: “How did you conclude that?”
Why: “Why did you do that?”
What: “What made you do that?”
How: “How did you come to do that?”
Why: “Why are you shaking your head?”
What: “What’s making you shake your head?”
How: “How are you feeling about what was just said?”
Why: “Why don’t you call them?”
What: “What’s stopping you from ringing?”
How: “How could you get to a state where you’re comfortable ringing them?”
Why: “Why not?”
What: “What’s holding you back?”
How: “How would you prefer to approach this?”
I ran some of these on Claude and got some excellent responses. Here’s my prompt:
You’re an expert at discussions, de-escalation and negotiation.
I’m trying to avoid ‘why’ questions and replace them with ‘what’ or ‘how’ questions. Can you review some ‘why’s’ and substitute them with ‘what’ and ‘how’ ones?
<example>
Why: “Why do you think that?”
What: “What led you think that?”
How: “How did you conclude that?”
</example>
Here’s my first one I’d like your help with: “Why not?”